Pee 'vd in Paris

It was my first time in Paris. It was my first time in Europe. I was with this cute little Irish girl with cheeks like parenthesis around her radiant white smile. Dressed in black we tried to blend in, fancied ourselves sophisticated Euro types. Molly knew enough French to read menus. Together we knew enough not to starve. "deux café noir s'il vous plaît" and "une baguette de pain et de fromage" (Black coffee, French bread and cheese) At night it was a baguette, cheese and red wine.

In reality we were strangers in a strange land. A beautiful, fun and exotic new land. A landscape planned to be beautiful, intricately detailed and uniform in design. A land of good cuisine and an attitude of casual elegance and good living.

We'd spent the afternoon combing the streets of 1st arrondismont. We lingered at the Stravinsky Fountain...






















... and in the large plaza in front of the famed inside out building that is the Pompidou Center.


















We ate and drank little bits of Paris as we wandered. As we entered the Les Halles district I really had to go to the bathroom.

I spied a beautifully designed restaurant nearby and ducked in to find a bathroom. I followed the signs to les toilettes des hommes. I descended the stairs to the bathroom and there was a women standing there. That unverved me...and she wanted money. Hmmm. Never seen that before. Quickly I deduced this was nothing kinky. She had an apron on and had an assortment of cleaning products and personal hygiene items for sale. She was the bathroom attendant. I gave her 1000 francs ...whatever that was worth and quickly entered the bathroom.

I looked around the gleaming modern stainless steel room I just entered. I couldn't see any stalls or urinals. The walls were brilliant brushed metal panels. I walked around pushing on a couple panels thinking they would open a stall. Nothing happened. I felt the attendant watching me. On one whole wall was a pleasant waterfall gently moving like a liquid sheet of glass. It was nicely lit from the underside and it made me have to pee even more than before.

I started to wiggle and cross my legs like a 3rd grader. I danced in place like a jerky David Byrne turning around the room trying to unlock the puzzle of where I could relieve my surging bladder. Is the waterfall a urinal? It empties into a drain at the bottom like a urinal. I couldn't ask because I couldn't speak French and no-one else came in so I couldn't watch and copy! I couldn't bring myself to pee on the wall. The attendant was right there! What if it wasn't a urinal she saw me piss on the wall?

Driven to madness by the taunting waterfall I did what anyone would do. I ran... out of the bathroom, back up the steps and outside! :)

I came across this restaurant in a design magazine about a year later. It was designed by celebrity designer Philip Stark and it turns out the waterfall was the urinal!